


Godiva's

by MatsuFla



Series: You really think that all those who love each other are together? [2]
Category: Shameless (US) RPF
Genre: 2005/2006, Behind the Scenes, Cheating, Gen, Godiva's S2, Godiva's cast, I hate tags bc they spoil too much so I just give you these, Layla Alizada - Freeform, Noel Roeim Fisher, PreMosher, Real Life (RPF), Scenes from the series, roller coaster of emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29986965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatsuFla/pseuds/MatsuFla
Summary: This is not a pleasant read!This is a prequel fic to "Love isn't enough" which tells some episodes of Noel's life before he met Cam. Although this is an unusual Mosher, it is a Mosher fic, believe me!
Series: You really think that all those who love each other are together? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182563
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Godiva's](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698089) by [MatsuFla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatsuFla/pseuds/MatsuFla). 



This is not a pleasant read!  
This is a prequel fic to "[Love isn't enough](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698827/chapters/73032066)" which tells some episodes of Noel's life before he met Cam. Although this is an unusual Mosher, it is a Mosher fic, believe me!

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.  
Late 2005, early 2006.

  
<https://i.ibb.co/x3yvNzt/Cap-1-foto-1-TJ.jpg>

  
<https://i.ibb.co/2tR1JS4/Cap-1-foto-2-Rajni.jpg>

"Good Morning everyone!" Noel hummed euphorically as he stepped into the makeup trailer, hidden by his sunglasses and the baseball cap he wore. After a collective greeting to the makeup artist stuff, his gaze caught a familiar face that peeked out between the two makeup artists who had already started working.  
"Good morning." Answered the woman with long, curly hair, styled under a bright, pink veil embellished with stones and beads.  
"Oh, hi!" Noel greeted, recognizing her, after getting rid of her glasses and having a better look at her. He had already seen her at the table read a few days before and a few other times during the filming of the last episode of the previous season, when for the first time her character was introduced: Rajni Haideri, Ramir's betrothed.  
"Mh, you are... the bride." Stammered the blond, and an awkward silence crept between those present for a few seconds. "Sorry, I don't remember your name." He jumped into his chair next to the girl, put his hand on hers and she grabbed it with a smile: "Layla."  
Layla was the typical South Asian beauty with raven hair and big, deep eyes. She was beautiful, but Noel was not particularly impressed with her.  
He never was.  
They only shared a couple of scenes on set but every day they found themselves being makeup companions, spending time chatting quietly under the brushes of the makeup artists.  
Noel was an extremely sociable guy and everyone got attached to him easily, he was able to get along and bond with anyone, so it was quite natural for him to establish a confidential relationship with Layla in a short time.

~~~*~~~

One morning Noel arrived a little early for work and thought about waiting for the rest of the crew to pass the time with some cell phone games, but when he reached the makeup trailer he was surprised to find Layla sitting in her usual place. The blond discovered that the girl and all the staff had already been there for hours, as the outfit for that particular scene required a very long preparation time. The make-up artists left for a coffee break, so the two actors were left alone.  
Layla was ready in all her glory. Her exotic features of her skilfully enhanced by her makeup, the complexion of her face illuminated by blush and kajal, the marked black eye-liner, which made her look even more captivating. She had beads around her eyes and nose, scarlet lipstick on her lips and the inevitable red dot on her forehead.  
The sari, the elegant ceremonial dress she wore, was a long, single piece of fabric that was wrapped around the woman's body. The solid color fabric, traditionally red, was richly embellished with delicate prints and golden embroidery in full Bollywood-style. She had Mehndi tattooed on her hands and feet and jewels scattered all over her body: head, ears, neck, arms, forearms, hips, ankles and fingers. Amongst all of it, what stood out was the Maang tikka, the precious hair accessory that hung on her forehead, drawing attention to it.  
Obviously Noel knew nothing of Indian traditions and all that was behind the preparation of a bride, he was just fascinated to see the final result shine on the woman. (1)  
"Damn, Layla, you are beautiful!"  
"Thank you, but I can't accept your advances..." She said flirtatiously, "I'm getting married today."  
"What a pity, I came too late." Noel chuckled.  
"It's never too late." The tone is a little too serious and winking for it to sound like another joke, "I'll be dumped on the altar, so... I might want to console myself with someone else."  
Noel wasn't sure he had read the room right, but the trailer suddenly became narrower and more stuffy than it already was. "Ramir just wants to be happy, to marry someone to love and to reciprocate. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be?"  
"Every wedding is an arrangement." The woman disagreed with a note of cynicism in her voice.  
"That marriage is just a lie. I think Ramir deserves more than that." Noel looked at her and smiled softly, "We all deserve it."  
Layla smiled back at his, though hers seemed more melancholy, "You're a sweet boy, Noel." She sat in her usual place and, almost to herself, continued in a whisper, "Naive, but so sweet."  
The blonde chuckled, sat on the chair with a jump and pulled out his phone. After a few minutes of silence, it was Layla who resumed the conversation.  
"Are you sending a love message to your girlfriend?"  
"There is no girlfriend." He snorted a laugh but didn't raise his eyes to look at her, "I'm playing." He swiveled his cell phone towards her to show her the game in progress on his screen, then went back to frantically tapping the keyboard.  
"Do you like those things?"  
"And you don't?"  
"I don't know, I've never played it."  
"Do you want to try?" Noel asked, handing her his phone. Layla grabbed it smiling and began to take a look at the game, he approached her and guided her in her first steps as a gamer with a short tutorial on using the keys. The woman learned quickly and after a few minutes she was already able to get by on her own, so Noel took the opportunity to raise his eyes from the small screen and enjoy the smiling face of those who discovered the magic of video games for the first time. Amongst all the rich ornaments she wore, his attention was caught by that small and simple circular dot drawn on her forehead.  
"It's hypnotic, isn't it?"  
"Yeah." Noel knew he'd been caught staring at it, despite her never taking her eyes off the game.  
"The red Tilaka is the quintessential symbol of a married woman's marital status."  
"It's like a wedding ring." Noel noticed, fascinated.  
"Not only that, it also seems to help fight stress..." She said, hitting the keys harder and winning the game, "And that activates the sexual instinct." She turned to look at him, fluttering her thick lashes before continuing in a sensual voice, "And you know what? I think it really works."  
The blond smiled amused and was ready to retort with some stupid, winking joke when the make-up artists returned to the trailer. The work on Noel was short and within minutes the girls were out again.  
"I broke your record." Layla, who had been playing on her makeup buddy's cell phone the whole time, giggled smugly. Noel approached her pretending to be offended and claimed his cell phone which was still playing the victory tune. The woman looked at him through the mirror she had in front of her, then swiveled her chair toward him and skillfully slipped her legs between his. With a quick, graceful snap, worthy of a cat, Layla stood up and Noel had time to hear only a sudden jingle of bells before he came face to face with her. He looked at her in disbelief as she got closer and closer, he felt her veil brush his cheek first and then her red lips settle on the corner of his mouth. The kiss, if it could be called that, was short and chaste, but there was fire in her dark eyes and Noel could almost feel the heat burning his face. He stepped back and smiled at her, yeah, because... it seemed rude to stand there with a fool face, so he thought smiling was the right thing to do. But then he ran off without saying a word and never looked back until he reached the set.

  
<https://i.ibb.co/m6K1995/Cap-1-foto-3-matrimonio.png>

Filming of the wedding went on for several hours and finally, after Ramir had blown the wedding, there was a break. The whole cast and several extras were present in the scene, but even in the crowd, Layla managed to find that golden head that stood out amongst all the others. Both of them had finished work for that day, so she proposed that they return to the trailer together, but was politely refused. Noel explained, lying, that Stephen had asked him to stay until the end of the shoot because he had something urgent to talk to him about. Unsure whether to believe him or not, she decided to let it go and instead remind him that, running away, he had forgotten to take his cell phone back and for this reason she had left it in the trailer.  
The two said goodbye and as Layla left the set, Noel watched the fight over the missed marriage between Ramir and his parents.

[Godiva's 2x03 min 41,19]  
"You must act quick or her father will not take you back." His mother said, while she and her husband ran after their son, who instead tried to sow them.  
"I don't want her back." Ramir turned, finally deciding to confront them.  
"You'll get on your knees and kiss her father's feet." Growled his father, much less calm than his wife, "Beg for a chance to salvage your family's reputation."  
"I can't."  
"Why not?" The woman asked desperately.  
"I don't want to." Ramir said in a faint voice. His father hit him with a completely unexpected slap and he snorted an incredulous laugh without the slightest amusement.  
"Vijay!" His mother cried out surprised and frightened, sternly recalling her husband. But the man slapped him again and when she took his arm in an attempt to stop him, she barely managed to hold him back and nearly fell to the ground. "Vijay!"  
"You think about no one but yourself." The householder's voice was broken with tears and this made it difficult for Ramir to keep holding his gaze.  
"You told me marriage was built on respect and with respect anything is possible. I can't respect her."  
"We found you the perfect wife."  
"Tell me one thing, one fault that makes her unworthy." Vijay yelled, "Tell me!"  
"Do you want to know?" Ramir clenched the red fabric of his father's elegant suit between his fists, while the other man grabbed his wrists trying to free himself from his grip, "Do you want to know?"  
"Yes, you coward!"  
The younger one pushed him away and once again gave him a defeated and bitter look, "One that will never love me."  
"Nor will I." It was clear from his expression on his face that he didn't really think it, but it didn't hurt Ramir any less to hear him say it. "Bad boy's no longer my son."  
"Vijay, you take back your words."  
"You had it in the palm of your hand, Ramir. Your future, my happiness, a blessed life that would have seen you to a golden old age. And then you threw it into the ground. (?). (?) few years to live. (2)" His eyes were filled with tears, anger had given way to mortification and flogging for his son's recklessness, "You can find so many ways to disappoint me." He walked away, no longer able to bear the weight of that moment.  
"Don't listen." His mother said mortified, taking his hand between hers and trying to comfort her son, "You'll find a way to make peace."

Noel already knew how the scene unfolded from the table read, but seeing it made it almost real. The fear and sadness in Ramir's mother's eyes, anger and disappointment in his father's.  
Rajni was a lesbian and just wanted a cover-up wedding, instead Ramir wanted love and it almost seemed like the world wanted to convince him that this was the wrong choice. Maybe it really was. His own father had accused him of being a coward who thinks about no one but himself, just because he had chosen to be happy and not live a lie. The older man, however, did not know the truth about Rajni.  
Perhaps if Ramir had been honest with his father, he would have understood and supported him.  
In that whirlwind of thoughts, Noel's mind inevitably flew to his father. He, like all the rest of the family, had always had high expectations and desires for Noel's future and he, as a devoted son, had always tried not to disappoint him.  
But would his father accept any choice he made as long as it made him happy?  
Or he would have preferred a ‘blessed life that would have seen you to a golden old age’ for him. A good job, a loving wife and mother of beautiful, well-behaved children, a house with a white fence and a nice car parked in the driveway, in short, a life that respected the classic canons accepted and well viewed by society... even if in reality is all a lie that kills slowly.  
Maybe if he had told him the truth too, but what was the truth?  
Noel felt extremely confused.  
He blinked repeatedly to ward off the tears that threatened to fall, and returned to the trailer while the harsh words of Ramir's father still rang in his head. He opened the thin door and closed it behind him, leaned his back against it and remained motionless, despite the cold of the metal. He immediately closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose before turning on the light.  
"I can't believe it took you this long." Layla's voice made Noel jump as he finally became aware of her, "I hope it's all right with Stephan." She was sitting in the overstuffed chair that Noel usually occupied and she fiddled with the cell phone of the boy who had completely forgotten about being late on set to avoid her, failing miserably. Layla was still wearing her wedding dress, despite her having left the set for hours and was free to go home.  
Had she been waiting for him to trap him?  
"Fuck, Layla!" Noel snorted, still a little agitated, "What-what are you still doing here?" He tried to appear calm but, although the fright was slowly passing, another kind of agitation made its way inside him, "I almost had a heart attack."  
"I was waiting for you." She cut him off and put the phone down, smiling devilishly.  
"Oh, yeah?" The blonde reached out to retrieve his cell phone and when both of their hands were on the phone, Layla reached out to caress him but he drew back quickly. "Why?" He continued looking away from her, desperate to keep the conversation vague and informal, still trying to pretend that the situation wasn't making him more and more uncomfortable. The huge Indian elephant in the room became impossible to ignore as the girl's foot started to climb up the inside of Noel's leg. "I thought we could..." The little bells of his payal anklet rang in Noel's head as the disturbing sound of sirens announcing the arrival of a storm, the hurricane Layla. "You thought we could, what?" He asked in a whisper and when she finally reached her destination, she rubbed her fingers on the boy's crotch and simply added, "Well, you already know." She hooked Noel behind his butt with her hammer foot and flexing her knee, nimbly pushed him towards her, grabbed his hips in her hands and looked at him, smiling triumphantly. "What's up?" She squeaked when she found an impossibly high pair of eyebrows scolding her silently.  
"We shouldn't be here." Noel protested, freeing himself from her grip and reaching the opposite wall of the trailer, but she promptly ran after him, "Are you playing hard to get?"  
He snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes, "Well, you ambushed me." He hesitated when she glared at him, not liking how Noel had called hers... what, romantic act?  
"I'm just wondering what we're doing here." He continued in a soft tone. Layla approached him with a sarcastic smile on her lips, "Come on, Noel..." She grabbed him by his dark tie, holding him on her leash, "We've been flirting since day one, don't deny it."  
"Yeah, b-but..." He stammered as she pushed him with his back to the wall, "Layla, wait!" He tried again unsuccessfully, "Just... we had a great time together, I mean..." He lost the thread of his already shaky speech for a moment when the brunette started to kiss his neck, but managed to regain control, "Layla, you are sexy, funny, smart..." He grabbed her shoulders with a firm grip and pulling her back held her at a distance, "And yes, we flirted and maybe... maybe there is a feeling between us, but-"  
"You're good with words..." She interrupted him with a mischievous smile on her fiery, red lips, "But definitely not very enterprising." She continued, kneeling before him, "I've been thinking about it for weeks and I don't want to wait any longer." From that position, Layla could do, quite easily and comfortably, as she wanted, and she had a very clear idea of what she wanted. She pulled the light blue shirt from his pants and dragged her tattooed hands under it, from his chiseled torso she descended until she found what she was looking for and within a second she freed him from his clothes, dropping them right down to the ankles. Noel looked down at his body and found her licking her lips wildly, she was so firmly focused on what she was about to do with him that she was taken aback when he pulled her away once more.  
"Layla!" Noel groaned just as the woman was leaning towards his pale hips, and she looked up and showed him her expression, poised between shock and frustration. Layla wanted more, but apparently he had decided to deny it.  
"Noel, I like you and I know for a fact that you like me too." She said with a little uncertainty in her voice, then continued sounding more like an ultimatum, "So tell me clearly if this is what you want too or not."  
A gorgeous girl, dressed like a princess, kneels in front of him, ready to send him to heaven. It was any mans dream and it was right there for him. How could he have refused such an offer? It was like spitting in the face of luck.  
He took a deep breath and convinced himself to let her do it, nodded silently in response to the woman who smiled victorious and relieved. She wrapped his legs in her arms and giggled as he blew a ‘Fuck!’ when he felt her soft hands rub behind his thighs before burying her face between his legs. Noel took off her veil and took her face in his hands to follow her slow rocking. He looked at her gleaming gemstones around her eyes and on her nose, the heavy earrings banging against her sunken cheeks and the red lipstick starting to fade. When his blue eyes rested on her Tilaka, that red dot caught his attention again, as if suddenly that mystical third eye was watching and judging him. A strange sense of guilt assailed him, as it did every time he found himself in situations like that, because in those moments the great confusion in his head clearly showed him what he was denying himself, what was the lie that kept repeating itself desperately. But once those moments passed, everything was as it was before and he began to deny again as usual.  
In his twenty-one years of life, Noel hadn't been with many girls, even though he could have. A right mix of shyness and bravado had always made him successful with women but he had never taken advantage of it. He didn't care that much, he had always preferred to focus on family, friends and his career.  
Sometimes, to himself, he had tried to justify his inability to feel anything. Maybe he wasn't attracted to blonde girls... but not even to brunettes, maybe he didn't like too flat ones... but not even curvy ones, neither tall nor short, nor curly or smooth.  
Nothing. He simply didn't care about any of them.  
He never even understood why all that adoration for sex... yeah, it was a good feeling, but nothing he couldn't get by himself with a little vaseline.  
But he was there now and he couldn't get out of it, literally, not until he reached his climax. He wanted to be able to enjoy the moment, fully enjoy the gift that Layla had given him and return the enthusiasm with which she was doing it. He wanted to feel something.  
"Do not stop." He pleaded desperately, his breath caught in his throat. Layla's answer was not long in coming, her preciously decorated hands found Noel's perfect ass, her nails sank into his flesh as her mouth began to work harder and the draped dress slipped off her shoulder. Noel threw his head back until it hit the wall, rubbed his blue eyes with his palms and squeezed hard to hold back the tears that threatened to come out. He was breathing heavily as he tried to concentrate on the ringing of the bells so as not to hear the wet noises filling the room. He was too tense, so it wouldn't work. He was tired of having to strive for something that should have come naturally, but he took another deep breath and let himself go. He tried to think of something sexy and the only thing that came to his mind was a girl in a bikini, licking an ice cream, but then Noel's mind started to travel fast and the strangest and most unlikely things crowded his head, so much that he surprised himself by his bizarre thoughts. The ice cream became a Banana split and then a hot dog and by then there was no girl left in his erotic fantasy. He thought about the last time he had had frozen yogurt with his friends and one of them had spilled it all over his shirt, which adhered to his muscular abdomen. He thought of the tangles of bodies that came out the time they played drunk Twister on the beach and then bathed naked in the Pacific.  
It took some time and a lot of goodwill but in the end his cock decided to cooperate, he bit his lip until it bled as he felt his climax approach very slowly.  
Noel wanted to reach his climax, but not like this.  
He just wanted it to be over quickly.  
Just as he was coming, Noel instinctively, without even realizing it, pushed her away with his knee causing her to fall backwards. His moment of pleasure was brief and painful, but as soon as he became lucid enough to realize it, he apologized to her and helped her to her feet. She smiled at him, wiping her lips with her fingertips, "I'm glad you liked it." She said softly, mistaking his awkward gesture for an excessive sign of enjoyment.  
The two recomposed quickly and in silence, Noel was still intent on fixing his loose tie when someone knocked, without even waiting for some permission, and the door swung open.  
"Layla, are you ready?"  
Noel hoped strongly that the man staring at them from the door hadn't noticed the situation. Although they were already fully clothed and all traces of what had happened had been cleaned up, the blond still feared being caught. Not that things like that were unusual behind the scenes, but he wanted to keep a good reputation in the workplace, and most of all he didn't want to put on a show in front of a complete stranger.  
"Sorry, I was here with Noel and I lost track of time."  
"I see." He said annoyed, his eyes bouncing from one to the other, probably too close for a simple chat.  
"Noel, this is Harres." Layla introduced him extending an arm towards the man with oriental features, "He is-"  
"I'm her husband." He cut her off abruptly, keeping his gaze fixed on Noel who, shocked, only managed to nod weakly.  
"Honey, give me a minute." She smiled, with the coldness of a serial killer, "I'm going to change my clothes and we can go home."  
"I'll wait for you in the car."  
"It-it was a pleasure." Noel stammered. A very unconvincing performance, for a talented actor like him, which earned him just one last glare from Harres before he left. "Yeah, a real pleasure." He repeated sarcastically after the man slammed the door with a thud.  
"Layla..." Noel whispered after a few minutes of silence in which she never looked up from the floor. Although they had a lot to discuss after the recent revelation, the woman wanted to leave everything for another day, "Spare me the lecture, Noel!"  
"What does all this mean?"  
"I already told you." She snorted in exasperation, "I like you."  
"Layla, you are married!" The tone of voice that, from that moment, became a little higher with every question and answer.  
"This doesn't matter!"  
"It matters a lot to me!"  
"Forget it!" Screamed Layla finally, wiping the Tilaka from her forehead with a dramatic gesture of her hand and leaving Noel completely blown away.  
"Just tell me..." She walked over to him and put her hand on his cheek, her fingers gently stroking him from cheekbone to his lips, "If that's what you want too, or not." She smiled leaning forward, but when she tried to kiss him he pulled away and her smile flipped.  
"Think about it, okay?" She said sadly, before returning to her husband.

~~~*~~~

"Tell me again... why are we here?" Noel asked hesitantly when the three girls who were with him dragged him, hopping from the parking lot towards the entrance of the club.  
"Because my friend Jordy lets us in for free and has reserved a table for us."  
"Mhmm... why is he so generous with you?"  
"What are you trying to imply?"  
"Nothing, I just say that when a guy is too nice something's always going on."  
"There's nothing going on, Noel. Jordy is a PR and we're just friends."  
"I hope so, dad would have a stroke if you brought home such a boyfriend."  
Raena had invited her big brother to join her and her friends to spend a Saturday night together and Noel had accepted, he loved his sister and tried to spend time together whenever he could, especially trying to keep away the shady guys who buzzed around her.  
"And what kind of name is Jordy?" Is that his real name?"  
"I don't know, but do you really want to make fun of him? Your name is Noel!"  
"Are you going to bring out the nonsense of Christmas like when you were six?"  
"Do you know that in French 'Noel' means 'Christmas'?" Raena giggled at her friends.  
"They say ‘Noël’!" The blond protested, "The pronunciation is different and it is spelled differently too." He explained to the two girls that they were strangers to both French and sibling spite.  
"As you say, Noël." She laughed when Noel came up behind her and pretended to crush her by wrapping his arms around her waist.  
“Does your PR friend know how old you are? Does he know you're not old enough to drink?"  
"I’ll have something non-alcoholic."  
"How old is he?" He looks much older than you."  
"Will you stop being the annoying big brother?" She freed herself from Noel's grip and quickened her pace to quickly reach the club and put an end to that interrogation. "He's gay, Noel." She said exasperatedly, "He's nice to me because... well, because he's a nice guy and sometimes he lets me get into the club where he works for free." Raena walked past the group by jumping quickly along the last few meters to the entrance, turned to her friends, raised her arms to the sky and smiled, "And that's why we're in a gay club."  
"Yeah." Noel sighed, making his eyebrows bounce.  
"The best place in Davie Village! (3)" She added enthusiastically when she saw her friend Jordy walking towards him.  
"Thanks, honey." The punk with the crested hair, piercings and tattoos hugged her tightly and, after doing the same with the other two girls, he turned to the blond boy and just smiled at him from afar, "Hi Noel."  
"Jordy." He nodded a greeting, but returned the smile.  
They followed the boy to the door, passing at least twenty colorful people waiting in a messy line. The big, pissed-off bouncer guarding the entrance, like the Cerberus of Dante's Inferno, suddenly moved at the small wave of Jordy's bony hand and let them into that storm of psychedelic music and lights.  
"Take it easy!" Raena chuckled, placing a hand on her brother's tense shoulder.  
"How can I relax, have you seen this place?" The blond let out a winking and not too sarcastic laugh, "With my sexy, little butt I will attract them all like bees with honey."  
"Well, then have fun!" The siblings laughed, then the girl took some colored cards out of her pocket and fanned them like a deck of magic cards in the hands of a magician, "Jordy gave me tickets for ten free drinks."  
Noel was happy, he would need it.

  
Noel had seized the freebies and, to make sure none of the girls were drinking anything alcoholic, he personally went to order drinks for everyone.  
"I'm twenty-one, I can drink!" Holly complained, the eldest of the three.  
"Not tonight, little sunshine." He said teasingly, "I'll be the responsible babysitter and bring you home sober."  
He carried the non-alcoholic cocktails to their reserved table, amid general protests, then returned to the bar to get something extremely alcoholic for himself. Unfortunately everyone seemed to have had the same idea as him and, like a horde of thirsty vampires, they stormed the counter which was so crowded that it took Noel ten minutes to reach the front row, but nevertheless the bartender still didn't seem to notice him.  
"Hey, Larry!" Someone shouted, attracting the attention of the barman who immediately stopped shaking and turned to the boy who was right behind Noel. The blond also turned to look at him and saw him reach the counter, dancing with his pelvis, until the guy next to Noel was forced to give him his place and back away. The victim, however, instead of getting angry, broke into a smile when the usurper apologized by giving him a wink. Not that this was strange, given the well-known outsized kindness of the Canadians, but that boy had an aura of peace and joy that infected everyone around him and so Noel was bewitched. He wasn't surprised how the bartender continued to ignore him to serve the newcomer.  
"Hey Chad, what can I get for you?"  
"Give us two of whatever my friend wants." The boy reached out his hand to Noel and when he looked at him in surprise, Chad showed off another of his irresistible smiles, perhaps the best in his repertoire because there couldn't be any more beautiful than that.  
"What are you getting, friend of Chad?" Larry crossed his arms over his sequin tank top and raised an expectant eyebrow.  
"Whiskey neat, please." Noel replied, as soon as he regained control of his synapses. The bartender looked at his friend for confirmation and when the other nodded he walked away from the counter.  
"I'm Chad."  
Chad was a very handsome mid-30s man, he had green eyes and a square jaw, a very white smile in contrast to the olive skin, brown hair styled in a short but wild cut, a statuesque physique and he was at least eight inches taller than Noel.  
"Yeah, that's what I figured." He smiled as they exchanged a friendly handshake.  
"And you are?"  
"A friend of yours, apparently."  
"Perfect then. Do you want to dance, friend?"  
"I'm sorry, I can't dance." Noel lied.  
"It doesn't matter, it's not a dance contest." He invited him to look on the dance floor where many bad dancers were putting on a show and, taking advantage of Noel's distraction, he placed his hand on his bicep and gave him a squeeze, "But, with any luck, at the end of the night you can still take home a nice trophy."  
"Jesus…" Noel snorted a laugh and gently freed himself from Chad's grip, not bothered, just very embarrassed.  
"Was that too much Sugar Daddy style?" The brunette asked, noticing the blush of his cheeks despite the colored lights, Noel nodded and his raised eyebrows made it unnecessary to add further words. They burst out laughing and stopped only when the bartender, whose return they had not even noticed, energetically placed the glasses on the counter and filled them almost to the brim.  
"To the Sugar Daddies!" Noel chuckled proposing the toast, Chad followed him and after having taken a generous sip of his drink, he observed in amazement as the boy swallowed it all in one breath.  
Noel slammed his glass on the counter and motioned for the bartender to refill it again while his face was still crumpled from the strong taste of the whiskey, but Larry for the second round decided to cut the dose in half.  
"Is that for your boyfriend waiting for you at the table?" Chad asked, hoping the answer was no.  
"No." He spat, raising his eyebrows beyond belief before gulping down the second drink, exactly as he did with the first, "There's no boyfriend."  
"So maybe this is my lucky night."  
Noel probably should have pointed out that there was no boyfriend because he was interested in girls, but he didn't.  
Maybe he should have told him to shut up and get out of the way because he wasn't batting for his same team, but he didn't do that either.  
Noel instead, asked for a third round, earning a dirty look from the bartender.  
"On me." Chad urged Larry to please his new friend and he obeyed, the brunette pulled a folded bill out of tight jeans and holding it between two fingers motioned the bartender to fill the glass. The guy in the sparkly tank top refused Chad's money, now exasperated by those two, he just wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible.  
"No, you don't." Noel emptied his glass a third time and planted an unspecified handful of freebies on the counter, paying off his debt plentifully.  
Two whiskeys in quick succession had eased the tension a bit and Noel was hoping the third would finally melt him and allow him to enjoy the night with one of the hottest guys he'd ever met. He waited a few seconds for the alcohol to take effect, then grabbed Chad by the wrist and pulled him out onto the dance floor. He was on fire and not just from all the low-grade whiskey he'd been drinking.  
If only ten minutes and three whiskeys before someone had told him, he would never have believed it. Yet it really happened, Noel had dragged a man into a dark corner of a gay club and was ready to find out what it feels like to let go completely.  
The two danced closer and closer until Chad cornered him against a column and pressed against him, Noel let him free to explore his body a bit with his big strong hands, but escaped his lips as if were of hot iron.  
"What did you say your name is?"  
"I didn't tell you."  
"Will you at least tell me if you prefer to be top or bottom?"  
Those words burst the little bubble of pleasure Noel was floating in, totally lost in the moment and isolated from the rest of the world, abruptly bringing him back to reality. It was like suddenly waking up from a dream, panting and disoriented, and the blood that had boiled a moment before froze in his veins.  
"Stay away from me!" He pushed him away abruptly, "I'm not like that!"  
"Like what?"  
"I'm not... like you."  
Noel felt suffocated under Chad's injured gaze and ran off for air, but the exit seemed too far and full of dancing obstacles, so he opted for the bathroom which was closer and surprisingly uncrowded. He took a stall and locked himself in, despite his efforts to calm down, breathing deeply, he continued to tremble like a leaf. Suddenly, he started banging his fist hard against the wall until his hand was peeling on the tiles, then he sank, sat on the toilet, and started crying. Silent tears fell one after the other out of control, only a few sobs managed to escape from the hand gripping his mouth to not be heard, but apparently it was not enough.  
"Are you okay in there?" Someone asked from outside, gently knocking on the door. Noel wiped his tears and took a couple of deep breaths before he could respond without the crying breaking his voice.  
"Yeah." He said softly, sniffing at him.  
"Did some piece of shit break your heart?"  
"I'm that piece of shit."  
“We've all been there. With time it will get better."  
"Give me a minute and I'll go out, okay?"  
Noel was not quite in the mood to put up with a stranger's talk about hope for the future, sitting there on a toilet with snot in his nose. Nothing a voice behind a door could have said to him would have convinced him that things would be better for him, because as the years went by, everything just kept getting worse.  
"There's no need, nobody will bother you anymore." A few minutes of silence followed, then the boy turned back to Noel before exiting the bathroom, "Don't let anyone break your heart, honey. Especially to yourself."  
Noel remained hidden for half an hour and when he finally came out of the stall, the bathroom was empty. He rinsed his face with cold water and looking into the large mirror that covered the entire wall over the sinks, he didn't see in the reflection of him the person he wanted to be. He had no idea how to fix that big mess that Noel Fisher was, nor if he ever could, it wasn't something that could be solved overnight. He then decided to take a first step, immediately remedying the last of the long list of mistakes he had made.  
Coming out of the bathroom he noticed that on the door there was a sheet of paper that read ‘temporarily out of service, do not enter’ written in purple lipstick, which explained why no one had entered to ‘bother him’. Noel smiled, extremely grateful to the purple-lipped stranger, and tore the paper off the door before plunging into the crowd in search of a boy he owed an apology to.  
"Chad!"  
"What do you want?" While it was evident how angry he was, he didn't look threatening, just disappointed.  
"I want to apologize, okay? I was an idiot." Noel saw him nod in full agreement, "I freaked out and got mad at you, but the truth is that I... I..."  
"I know." Chad stopped him, sparing him the inconvenience of saying it, as he really knew what the truth was.  
"I'm so sorry. Let me buy you a drink, okay? I should still have a couple of free drinks."  
"Did you rob a PR by any chance?"  
"Something like that."  
"All right." He surrendered to Noel's puppy eyes, "But if you act like a jerk again, I pound the shit out of you... and not in a good way!"

(1) All specific terms and references to Indian brides preparation are taken from Wiki.  
(2) I could not understand what Ramir's father said, having written it by ear.  
(3) Davie Village, part of the West End area, is Vancouver's vibrant gay district, with bustling bars and clubs, quaint boutiques and LGBT bookstores. In the area you will find casual restaurants of various kinds, from Greek and local taverns serving curries to traditional diners and cozy cafes. The neighborhood is also known for the colorful Rainbow Crosswalk, near Jim Deva Plaza, an outdoor area with a giant megaphone sculpture.


	2. Chapter 2

Chad decided, for both of them, that they had drunk enough for that night, so they left the club and sat on the fire escape to smoke and talk quietly away from the music and prying eyes.  
"Let's start over." He smiled, handing him a cigarette, "I'm Noel, nice to meet you."  
A small smile also spread across the brunette's lips at finally discovering the boys name, but it quickly disappeared when he noticed his beautiful red-rimmed eyes and the little bloody wounds on the knuckles of his hand, "What are you doing here, Noel?" He asked as the other approached him to light his cigarette.  
"My sister brought me here."  
"Is your sister gay too?"  
"No, neither of us is." He replied boldly, earning skeptical glare from the older one, "What, straight people aren't allowed to go to gay clubs?"  
"Absolutely. But you're not straight, Noel."  
"Chad-"  
"Straight guys don't get horny dancing with other men, but your dick was hard as steel. Do you want to deny it?"  
Noel could not have done it even if he wanted to, despite the fact that he only remembered the feeling of great pleasure and little else of that moment, he was well aware of the rubbing of cocks that had been between them. Once again, Chad spared him the embarrassment of even trying to deny it.  
"As much as you try to furnish your closet and pretend it's actually a spacious apartment... it will always be a fucking closet, Noel. And you are locked in."  
"I'm not-"  
"Like me, right?" He interrupted him, "No, you are not, because I am free." His dark eyes turned sad, "I just wish I'd done it sooner." He leaned back until his back touched the wall as the cigarette continued to burn like an incense stick between his fingers. "You know, I've been in love with my best friend all my life, never being able to confess it to him. Fortunately, he was much braver than me and one day he made me a full-blown declaration of love and kissed me. That was the best day of my life... and the best kiss of all."  
Noel saw him torture his lower lip between his teeth, his dreamy gaze lost in the void and couldn't help but smile.  
"We spent years hiding our relationship from everyone, because of me, because I didn't want people to know what I was... what I am... a fag." He turned to the boy before saying it. "When he asked me to come out and marry him, I..." He looked down at his trembling hands, saw the cigarette almost worn out and took a first and last puff before throwing it away, "Well, I'll spare you the details, but I ended up marrying a woman shortly thereafter, trapping both of us in an unhappy life until the day of the divorce, which was undoubtedly the best time of our marriage. But he now lives in Florida with his boyfriend, one who wasn't stupid enough to let the love of his life slip away."  
The big knot tightening Noel's throat kept him from saying any words of comfort and when Chad looked at him he immediately noticed a veil of tears in his blue eyes.  
"Have I been too honeyed?" I bet you regret now when I talked to you like a Sugar Daddy."  
"Not a bit!"  
They both snorted a laugh, then Chad continued softly, "Daniel always manages to bring out my romantic side, even now, after all these years."  
"Have you ever tried to contact him, talk to him?" Maybe if he knew about the divorce-"  
"It's too late now."  
"You don't know that. He should have a choice."  
"He gave me the choice and I didn't choose him. I betrayed his trust and hurt him, now Daniel has moved on and is happy, without me. I can't plunge into his life and reopen old wounds for my pure selfishness. I had my chance to be happy with him and I wasted it." Chad looked at him with affectionate and fraternal eyes, far removed from the lewd looks he had given him just a couple of hours ago at the bar, "You are who you are, Noel, that will never change. You can ignore it and keep hiding for a while, but sooner or later you will meet your ‘Daniel’ and if you keep denying yourself you will lose him too and regret it for the rest of your life, like I do every fucking day."  
Noel said nothing but the man just looked at him to know exactly what he was feeling, because he knew that look well, he had seen it reflected in the mirror many times in the past years. He really hoped that sweet angelic-looking boy would do better than he had done, that he was stronger and braver, and that he could finally win happiness.  
"Good luck, Noel."

  
When Noel joined his sister in the private room, exactly where he had left her, he found her and the other two girls a bit tipsy.  
Turns out it wasn't enough to seize free drinks to keep three sober teens in a bar, especially if they had a PR friend. Disappearing all the while had seriously compromised the success of his plan.  
He glared at Jordy, whom Noel believed was responsible... and indeed he was, but the punk boy assured him that he only got one low alcohol drink each and that he was keeping an eye on them the entire time.  
Noel spent the rest of the night drinking plenty of water and filling his stomach with pretzels and chips until he disposed of all the whiskey he had in his body. As he followed his friends out of the club, the blond took a panoramic look at the crowd, hoping to see Chad one last time, but couldn't find him.  
Actually, he never saw him again after that night.  
Jordy offered them a ride home but Noel refused. He wasn't in the best condition to drive, but he never would have done it if he wasn't one hundred percent sure he could do it in complete safety. The taxi service, in fact, worked perfectly and after leaving the two friends at home, the Fisher siblings headed home.  
"You understand that Jordy has a huge crush on you, right?"  
"Oh, yeah? He has good taste."  
"I'm serious, Noel. He's amazing, he was all excited when I told him you'd be there too, he let us in for free and offered us all those drinks... and you disappeared almost all night."  
"Is that why you invited me to come with you tonight?" He asked sarcastically.  
"No, you idiot. I invited you because I wanted you to meet Jordy. He is... he is..."  
"Amazing?" He repeated what she had said, mimicking her.  
"Exactly. I'm sure you would like him too if you only knew him."  
"Sure."  
Noel had gotten to talk to him, and while his judgment was probably still clouded a little by the alcohol, he had to admit that Jordy wasn't as bad as he thought he was, but he would never admit it to his sister.  
"Looks like you've had a long night. If you want to talk about it, you can tell me everything. You know I'm here for you, right?"  
Her brother looked at her for just a second in confusion and surprise, then nodded quickly and returned his eyes to the road.  
Raena had always been very fond of him. Noel was her hero, sweet and kind to everyone but also strong and determined, with a dedication to family and work that often led him to sacrifice himself in more ways than one.  
It had long been clear to her that her brother was hiding a heavy burden, and whatever he was, she feared it would make him terribly unhappy.  
Several times she had thought that maybe he could be... no, she didn't want to insinuate anything, nor did she intend to extort any confession from him, she had never insisted on asking for anything and perhaps at that moment it was the alcohol that made her insist a little more, but she only wanted her brother to open up to her.  
"I know you better than anyone else and I like who you are. You're my big brother and I'll always be on your side, no matter what." She put her hand on his knee and squeezed him affectionately, "I much you so love, Noël."  
"I much you so love too." Noel snorted a big laugh, wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her to him to kiss her head, then laughed at her again, amused by her rambling declaration of affection due to alcohol, "But you're drunk and you're rambling."  
The girl basked in her brother's embrace for a second, because she couldn't help it, but then she walked away pretending to be angry at being teased.  
"Where have you been all night?"  
"The line at the bar was long." Noel joked, not taking the question too seriously.  
"Mh mh..." She groaned in disappointment after yet another failed attempt. She decided to stop trying and she stood silently looking out the window until they were parked in front of their house. They unfastened their seat belts and opened the doors, but Raena at the last moment stopped him from getting out of the car by grabbing his arm, "Do you remember when you caught me stealing from the mall as a kid?"  
"Of course I do." He laughed, "A horrible glitter nail polish."  
"It never occurred to me once that you could tell our parents or anyone else what I had done or tell me I could be arrested." A sad little smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, "I knew I didn't have to worry about your judgment... because I trusted you. So I hope someday you will feel the same for me."  
Noel inhaled and exhaled deeply but said nothing, Raena got out of the car and reached the front door of the Fisher house. He joined her shortly after, finding her struggling with the lock which, according to her, kept moving every time she tried to put the key in it. When they finally managed to enter they tried to sneak as quietly as possible up the stairs to reach their rooms but after a few steps the light suddenly went on.  
"Damn!" Noel swore under his breath with a hand on his chest, exhaling dramatically, "I almost had a stroke, dad!"  
"It's late." Mr. Fisher said reproachfully, standing beside the kitchen switch with his arms folded.  
"No it is not!" Raena protested, slipping off her shoes. Noel, a few steps down from her, gently pushed her with a hand on her ass, silently suggesting that she go to the room without making a scene and at least avoid that their father would notice her drunk. The girl got the message, but after just one step she turned back to her father, "Oh, dad, I stole in a mall. Do you still love me?"  
Mr. Fisher looked in shock at his eldest son who shook his head with a reassuring expression on his face, then in a quiet tone he replied to his sweet little girl, "Stealing is wrong, honey, but yes… I will always love you anyway."  
Raena looked at Noel, raised her eyebrows and smiled, "Now that I've talked about it, I feel better!" She said happily, as if she had proved something. She said goodbye to the two men she loved most and finally went up the stairs, waving her shoes in the air.  
"She's drunk."  
"Nah, she's just a little... tipsy." He laughed, but at his father's skeptical and unamused gaze he continued, "Take it easy, dad, she won't put up a gang to rob banks around Canada."  
"What did she steal?"  
"A nail polish, almost ten years ago. Don't worry, she just wanted to take the weight off her shoulders after carrying it inside for so long." He snorted a laugh, "A hangover is good for that too." He walked over to the still sulky man and placed a loving hand on his shoulder, "Why are you still awake?"  
"I can't sleep." He said a little wary, then snorted and convinced himself to calm down, "I must have gone too far with the meatloaf at dinner."  
"Shall I make you a tea or a chamomile?" Noel went into the kitchen and opened the cupboard to get a mug, but his father refused both, stating that he needed something stronger for the meatloaf. Fisher junior understood immediately and looked at him with a sinister expression, Fisher senior smiled complicit and disappeared into the corridor. The blond took two glasses and sat at the table, after a few minutes his father joined him with a bottle of vodka and took a seat in front of him.  
"Don't tell your mother." He threatened him as he poured the distillate. Noel pretended to zip up his lips and throw away the key, then smiled.  
"Thanks for accompanying your sister tonight, I'm more relaxed when she's with you. Even if you allow her to drink alcohol." He said in a reproachful tone to which Noel shrugged back.  
"It was a night…" He hesitated when the memory of Chad came to mind, what they'd done in the throes of alcohol and what he'd said. Of course he wasn't going to tell his father or anyone else any of this, so he fell back on something else, "There was a certain Jordy who-"  
"His name is Jordan... your sister always buzzes around him."  
"Do you know him?" He asked surprised, "He's-"  
"Homosexual. Yes, I know."  
"I was going to say that he is a nice guy, but yeah… he is homosexual. Did Raena tell you?"  
"No, your mother and his are old friends." He raised his eyebrows and took a sip of vodka, "His mother prays for him every day."  
"But she still loves him, right?" He snorted a nervous laugh and watched him hold his breath, terrified of what he might answer.  
"That boy dresses up like a woman and dances in clubs, Noel, it's not like stealing nail polish in a shopping mall."  
"Of course it's not the same. Stealing is a crime." He looked down at the glass in his hands to hide the tears that filled his eyes from his father and did his best to keep them from falling. Even though he's not looking at him, Noel knew what a displeased look the older man was giving him at that moment.  
"Dad, listen, there's something I have to tell you-" His voice came trembling, vulnerable like shit, and he felt his heart rip in two as the man cut him off abruptly.  
"No, Noel!" He yelled, raising his hand to paddle in front of his face, "I could not bear another child who takes a weight off his shoulders to place it on mine. I just need a thief daughter for tonight."  
Noel wasn't even sure what he was going to say, he just wanted to let his father know how he felt, about all the confusion in his head and hoped maybe to get some comfort and support from the man who was the backbone of his life. What he received instead were just words that hit him deeper than a knife, making him realize that what he was too afraid to say was just what his father was too afraid to hear.  
"It's late, let's go to bed." He muttered agitatedly, denying his son any chance to continue the conversation, "What time is it?"  
Noel let the unspoken words remain between them, for him it was certainly nothing new, he had done it all his life and now he was his M.O.. He took the phone from his pocket and unlocked it to see what time it was.  
"Layla?" He whispered in surprise when he saw that name on the screen.  
"Layla?" Mr. Fisher repeated curiously, "Did a girl send you a message?" He smiled when Noel nodded without taking his eyes off the phone, "Was that what you wanted to talk to me about, son?"  
"Yes." He lied shamelessly, licking the corners of his mouth like he always did when he was nervous.  
"Did you meet her last night?"  
"No, we work together. She is an actress too."  
"Is she pretty?"  
"Very."  
"Do you like her?"  
"She is married." He replied curtly. If it had been a competition for who could have erased that smile from his father's lips that grew wider with each question, Noel would have won the first prize.  
"So why is she texting you in the middle of the night?"  
The blond shrugged, but remained silent as the answer was obvious.  
"Would staying with her make you happy?"  
"I hardly know her."  
"It would not be correct behavior, son, but-"  
"But you would still love me, right?" He snorted a laugh, put both hands on the table, and stood up and the chair crawled.  
"S-sure." Mr. Fischer stammered, confused by his son's unusual behavior, then covered Noel's hands with his and, looking down at him, repeated with more conviction, "Of course, I do."  
"Thanks dad, now that I've talked about it I feel really better!" He said sarcastically. His father smiled, catching neither the sarcasm nor the sadness in his words. Noel said goodnight to him and left the kitchen, leaving Mr. Fisher alone, still sitting at the table with his glass of vodka. He went up the stairs and reached his room, dropped dead weight on the bed and sighed for a few minutes staring at the ceiling, then remembered that message and pulled out the phone to read it.  
What surprised him was not so much the four messages sent in the middle of the night, but the fact that the two of them had never exchanged phone numbers.

Layla (11.29 pm): After beating you at your own game, I took the liberty of saving my number in contacts.  
Layla (11.29 pm): Since you never made up your mind to ask me  
Layla (11.29 pm): I hope you don't mind

And then a long time later.

Layla (01.16 am): Have you thought about what I told you?

Noel checked the list of calls made and found the one that Layla had made herself to get her number, the date and time coincided with the moment they shared playing with his cell phone in the makeup trailer. Instead, the messages had been sent while he was at the club... maybe while he was busy rubbing with Chad or when he was locked in the bathroom for half an hour, but he hadn't even noticed. He wouldn't answer her anyway.  
He decided not to answer her at all.  
He left the phone on the bedside table and very quietly sneaked into the dark room of his sister who was sleeping curled up on the bed still dressed.  
Mr and Mrs Fisher had turned the attic of their Vancouver house into two bedrooms for their children who, from childhood, used a crawl space in the wall to sneak into each other's rooms. As he grew older, it had become increasingly difficult for Noel to get through, but he was still capable of it.  
The blond had hoped to find his sister still awake, although it was unlikely given her condition, but he had tried anyway because he felt desperate to hear something from her. The girl looked like a cute, little angel while she slept peacefully, despite her smudged makeup and unkempt hair, and Noel didn't want to wake her. He took a blanket from the closet and covered her gently.  
"Noel?" She jumped, awakened by the sudden chill of the fabric on her body.  
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you." He whispered, kneeling beside the bed.  
"Is dad angry?" She asked worriedly, her voice hoarse from sleep.  
"No, no. Don't worry, everything is okay. Go back to sleep." He reassured her by stroking her shoulder and she tried to do as he told her, but after a few minutes of silence, Noel whispered again, "Raena..."  
"Uh?"  
"Do you really like who I am?" He sighed, seeing her nodding into her pillow without even opening her eyes, "But there are so many things you don't know about me."  
"It doesn't matter, I love you anyway." That time she looked at him and smiled at him, "I love you, big brother."  
"Love you too."

~~~*~~~

It was Layla's last day on set and that morning Noel didn't show up in the makeup trailer as he used to. The woman prepared and joined Stephen Lobo on set to film the end of the sad story between their characters.

[Godiva's 2x03 min 45.26]  
"What did you tell them?" Rajni burst into the restaurant's cold room, surprising Ramir from behind.  
"Truth. I can’t marry a woman if it means lying for the rest of my life."  
"So instead you embarrassed me in front of my family and friends?" She screamed at him, preventing him from passing when he tried to get out.  
"You get over it. Your parents would not dare make you move back now. So why don't you date some poor sucker every month."  
"They are blaming me. Saying that I wrecked it."  
"If you want I can talk to them."  
"You stay the fuck out of this! You have already blown my life to pieces. Now what do you want to do, pick over what’s left?" Her voice trembled slightly for the first time, but only for a moment, "You're a selfish jerk!"  
"A couple of hours ago I was good enough to marry."  
"You didn't have the balls to do it."  
"I would have if I thought I’d be happy."  
"Every marriage is an arrangement. No matter what that's what you get."  
"Except, you see, I think I was ready to fall in love with you." Ramir had avoided her gaze several times until then, at that moment he nailed his eyes and smiled bitterly, "What happened to you, Rajni? You've got so many lies running through you can't even recognize the truth when you see it?" With a slight shove he was finally able to push aside the woman who had remained motionless in front of the door, thus freeing the passage, "It's a good thing I still can." He whispered as he went out, then the light went out behind him, leaving Rajni in the dark in silence.  
"Ramir..." She called him a few seconds later and they both turned to look at each other. She hesitated first, then found courage and pleaded with him, "Don't tell your family."  
"That’s your lie not mine."

  
When there was a knock on the door, Layla hastened to open it, hoping to see the beautiful blue eyes of the man who had bewitched her. Noel was there, waiting awkwardly on the steps of the trailer, she made room for him and he quickly entered.  
"Are you going to say something sooner or later?" Layla said, after a few minutes the boy had remained silent to collect his things and ignore her, "Don't you think we have issues to discuss?"  
"It's late. Your husband will wonder where you are." Noel replied sarcastically, but he tasted his own medicine.  
"He's out of town tonight." Layla smiled, winking, while the boy's face became sad.  
"Layla..."  
The woman wasn't sure what he would say to her, but the way he had pronounced her name didn't bode well.  
"I'm sorry your marriage is unhappy, but-"  
"Oh, for heaven's sake, don't pity me!" She snorted in annoyance, "Nobody forces me to stay with him."  
"Why are you with him then?"  
Layla shrugged, "Show business is a shark tank. Nothing is as it should be. Nothing is as perfect and sparkling as it seems, Noel." Her brown eyes of hers looked directly into his blue, "It's good to have a mate by your side and team up."  
Layla watched him sigh before his jaw clenched and his fist buckled in anger.  
"This isn't a game, Layla, people get hurt."  
"Every marriage is an arrangement. No matter what that’s what you get."  
"Yeah, I've heard that before." He snorted a bitter laugh, acknowledging Rajni's line.  
"Long term relationships take compromise. You compromise about everything: what you eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, where you live, where you vacation..."  
"Or whether your wife wants to sleep with another man."  
"Yes, stuff like that." Layla sternly responded to Noel's stinging sarcasm, "You know, you'd understand if you'd ever been in a long term relationship."  
Noel's eyes went cold and the woman's heart sank, she was about to continue and try to explain herself, but he spoke first.  
"So your husband is okay with you seeing other people?"  
"I don't see other people. Don't think that going around seducing men is a habit for me, Noel." Then she added very sincerely, "You are special."  
Layla wanted to hug him and have him close, but there was something about his posture that forced her to keep distance from him.  
"Harres is a good man… he really is, but ours wasn't exactly a marriage for love. Our marriage has been over for a long time now."  
"So what are you looking for now? A one-time thing, a secret lover or a new partner?" But before she could even answer, Noel continued, "Anyway, I can't do it. We have to stop this now."  
"What if I don't want to let you go?" She asked flirtatiously, making her brows bounce twice. This time she couldn't help but close the gap between them and put a hand on his arm.  
"Damn, Layla..." He protested mildly, rolled his eyes and his whole head to the sky and turned to avoid her gaze.  
"I'm not asking you to marry me, Noel." She grabbed his chin between her fingers and forced him to restore eye contact, "Just get better acquainted."  
"B-but I..." He stammered, hating how scared and vulnerable he sounded at the moment, "I'm not even sure what I want or what I like."  
"You really don't know?" She said, melting into giggles and hugging him, placing her breasts on his chest in plain sight.  
"I mean, it's not like, I don't know, prefer sushi to... to pizza. He mumbled again, "I mean-"  
"I know what you mean, Noel. I get it already."  
"Do you?"  
"You're only twenty-one and you're so handsome, funny, kind and extremely talented, with a bright future ahead... and the world is full of girls, right?"  
Noel sighed in despair, because... no, Layla didn't get it at all.  
"No, I don't-"  
"Okay, then... do it." She put a hand on his cheek, her fingers rubbing affectionately across his lips to silence him, "Do it! Go around and eat all the pizza and sushi you want..."  
"Layla-"  
"Don't get me wrong, Noel... I won't be here waiting for you like a little dog." She interrupted him again, "But when you are tired of binging, come back to me. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to find me still available."

~~~*~~~

It was months before Noel saw Layla again, they were both at Godiva's end-of-production party and neither had a date.  
During the night, the blonde emptied several glasses of some bubbly alcohol and when he saw Layla casually slip in front of him for the tenth time, Noel made a decision that would change the rest of his life.  
He went straight towards her, avoiding anyone who crowded the few feet of distance that separated them, he apologized to his coworkers, with whom the woman was chatting, and took her away, taking her gently by the hand. Layla looked neither surprised nor annoyed, she willingly followed him without protest.  
The blond seemed to have developed a nasty habit of lugging someone for withdraws to isolated places every time he drank too much, he had never done it before in his life, but then it had happened twice in a short time. Chad and Layla, however, were two totally different people and Noel vowed to himself that this time the ending would be very different too.  
Noel squeezed his hands on her hips and pushed her with back against the wall, raised his head to look into the eyes of the taller woman, he swallowed dry nervously and relaxed his contracted jaw, then placed a kiss on her lips . Layla smiled, trying to suppress her sense of satisfaction, wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him from having second thoughts, and pulled him up for another kiss, a little deeper one, pushing her tongue into his mouth.  
Noel was so tired of his inner struggle that he had decided to give up, even though he still had a strong desire to resist.  
The months leading up to the party, when the boy was supposed to 'binge on sushi and pizza' were instead a complete fasting. He didn't experience any fucking anything he wanted, neither girls nor boys.  
How could he have done that if he couldn't even admit to himself what he really wanted to try?  
Instead, he realized that he didn't have the guts to try anything and never would, so he might as well stop tormenting himself. He chose that 'blessed life that would have seen you to a golden old age' for himself, with all the bullshit that would have satisfied everyone, even Noel himself, because after all, he didn't mind having a simple and peaceful life.  
From the night of their first kiss, it was three years before Layla divorced Harres and many more before Noel was finally free to be himself.

~~~ * ~~~

His closet became a nice apartment in LA where he moved in with Layla, who became his longtime girlfriend.They became fond of each other and gradually Noel got used to sharing life with a person he considered more a friend than a partner.  
Over the years it became easier to enjoy sex too. She learned to satisfy him somehow and he got used to his body, no longer feeling the need to look for anything else.  
Noel had buried that part of himself so deep that he was able to forget about it for a while, but it only lay dormant until a ginger arrived that made it impossible for Noel to ignore what he really felt, which kept him from lying to himself again. A ginger that, with a single kiss, destroyed the fake dream life that he had painstakingly built.  
Only then, Noel understood what love was and how happy it makes him. True love.  
Unfortunately, however, love isn’t enough.


End file.
